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LIVING IN THE MOMENT

By Nancy McClure

Anyone that knows me knows that both my mom and dad are in Memory Care and are suffering from dementia/Alzheimer’s.  Although this has been difficult there is one thing I have learned and that is to live in the moment.

My father lives in New Mexico so I do not get to visit him.  I called him yesterday.  I talked to him about things that are going on here and ask him about events there.  He is not very responsive any more but even with some long silences I can tell that he relaxes and feels better after our calls.  I have learned to appreciate those moments when he is alert enough to have a real conversation.  

My mom does live here in St. Louis so I visit her as often as I can.  Of course, there are good days and bad days and I cherish the good days.  When she has a good day we call her cousin Olive Mae who lives in New Mexico and is 95.  Olive just returned from a trip to Arizona; she went camping and fishing earlier this summer.  Olive Mae is still active and will drive to the grocery store and back but normally her kids take her everywhere.  The conversations that my mom and Olive have don’t make much sense any more but both are so happy to talk.  

When either my mom or dad are having a good day, I cherish when they laugh or say more than yes or no.  My mom and the other ladies at the table will carry on a conversation that makes absolutely no sense to me, but it does to them and they will giggle and laugh.  

It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t know who I am or what she is saying is wrong.  Some days I am a school chum and others we are co-workers.  She talks about visiting her mom and I ask how her mom is doing and if she enjoys teaching still (her mom passed around 1988).  When she gets agitated because she has something important to do at work, I calm her down by saying that it is lunch time or that Mary is in the copy room getting paperwork for us to finish so we should have a cup of coffee while we wait.    

Living with this has made me realize that it is best to try to live in the moment in other aspects of my life.  It would be easy for me to constantly work since my office is in my home.  Sometimes I get irritated when something comes up and I must stop.  Then I think about the moment and realize that these interruptions are what life is really about – time with my husband, my family and my friends.   These are moments that are important.